Monday, June 14, 2010

The Second Worst Toupee I've Ever Seen . . .

I was shopping at a local supermarket last week when I saw something that frightened & saddened me. While getting ready to pay for my food I turned to my right & saw the second worst toupee I'd ever seen. The old man wearing it was obviously self-conscious about having lost his hair (anyone would be). But, his solution to that dilemma was to fortify his noggin with what literally appeared to be a cranial dome made of artificial hair. My first thought was, "Wow, that guy looks really foolish". My second thought was, "So that's what a Beatle would look like if he lived to be a thousand".
It was a pretty bad sight and most people were looking at him. It was then that my mischievous nature took over and gained control of my imagination. That bizarre hair-thing on his head was so weird, especially when compared to his withered face, that I wanted to rip it off & fling it across the room! I could just picture it whirling through the air. All the way from checkout aisle 12 down to the tiled floor in front of checkout aisle 1. Wow, what a sight it would have been! That old dude would have thanked me for freeing him from his toupee prison! I would have been a hero: a hair emancipator! But, then I would have looked down upon the now head-free toupee & seen it for what it really was. A twisted thing of evil!! It would have just stood there, mocking me like a hirsute demon. It most likely had the ability to withstand several rounds of machine gun fire.
So, I left the old man & his toupee alone. I was hungry anyway. You really want to see something scary, just get between me & my food.

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